My WIP

Today I’m posting the first chapter of my mystery novel. I’d love to hear what you think of it. Would you keep reading?

Focused on Murder – A Spirit Lake Mystery

Chapter 1

I pushed my half-eaten cinnamon roll the size of a dinner plate toward my brother.  “Why the smug look?”

Little set the plate in a bin under the counter. He peered over his black-rimmed glasses, a snowy owl ready to swoop down on its prey. “I’m remembering when a certain person picked on her younger sibling for leaving teaching to move back here.”

More was coming.

“A year later, here’s the scoffer, a former big fish living in a big pond, now a small fish in a really small pond.” He pushed his glasses back into position and rubbed at a coffee ring. The barest hint of a smile tugged at his mouth.

I let him enjoy his moment. There was always payback.

My brother’s real name is Jan Jr. As a baby we called him Little Jan and then just Little. It wasn’t an ironic name. He didn’t make it past five-foot-five and he still looked like a kid at thirty. I took after our six-foot-two, viperous old drunk of a father, now deceased.

Little’s partner Lars rattled the newspaper from his perch on the next stool. “Hey, Britt, sweet picture you took of the Branson U hockey team getting trounced.”

A fringe of pinkish hair stuck out from Lars’ stocking cap, covering a mostly bald head. The former U of M English prof now favored plaid flannel shirts and suspenders. Circus clown meets Paul Bunyan.

Little raised an eyebrow at Lars. “It’s the first week of January. I doubt she’ll make it through an entire winter up here. Shall we make a wager?”

Lars nodded, “Yah, Britt missed the real weather last year.”

“One, stop talking in front of me as if I’m not here, and two, remember the blizzard?”

“Jazus, you’re right,” said Lars. “First a blizzard almost gets you, and to top it you get shot.”

I regretted bringing it up. “A rare convergence of bad luck and poor timing. Never happen again.”

Baiting me was their favorite winter sport, especially when the restaurant business was slow. Little’s taunts carried an undertone, though. He knew I was restless. I thrived on change and Little hated it.

“Mock me all you want, boys. I’m here to stay.” I set my cup on the counter and zipped into my ski jacket. Wrestling with stocking cap, wool scarf and insulated gloves, I pushed out the door amid a wave of regulars arriving for their morning gossip break, stamping snow and shedding coats. Lars lined up coffee cups.

Soon the row of knotty pine booths along the windows facing the lake would fill. In case a customer forgot they were in prime fishing country, glass-covered tabletops displayed maps of Minnesota’s 10,000 lakes. Framed photos of fishermen with prize-winning bass lined the walls. Fishing never stopped here. In winter, ice houses dotted the lake.

The aroma of fresh-baked cinnamon rolls, a Little’s Café specialty followed me out the door. Four years younger than me, Little was the one who’d gotten his life together. He’d quit teaching and moved up here with Lars to transform what had been our tension-filled Johansson family home into a warm and inviting gathering place for locals and strangers.

Rock waited outside, tail wagging. I strapped on the sleek new Atlas Elektras I had left propped against the side of the restaurant. Snowshoeing saved me. I used to be addicted to work, then vodka. These days, without much work to do and alcohol taboo for me, I took the edge off with exercise.

“C’mon, Rock. Winter in Northern Minnesota is not for the weak of spirit.” I’d inherited the black and white spattered mutt as well as my cabin on Spirit Lake from an old friend, who took me in when I was a confused and angry teenager, guided me and loved me. I ached with her loss, but felt her presence in my loyal companion.

We crossed the street, skirted eight-foot- high piles of snow cleared by plows after the last storm, and veered onto the Paul Bunyan Trail. Used by snowmobilers in winter and hikers and bikers in summer, it ran fifty miles from north to south through forests and lakes. Fueled by caffeine and carbs, we left the trail and navigated through dense woods and undergrowth along Spirit Lake.

After an hour, I took a different route back just to change my routine. Deep snow and thick brush turned the trek into hard work. I had to push my poles into drifts and pull forward. The sky dimmed to a leaden gray heavy with snow. Weak light might filter through, but we wouldn’t see real sunshine for months.

The guys were right in their assessment of how I was handling winter. But the LA Times wouldn’t take me back and deserting Little again was not an option. He’d helped me through a rough divorce and kicking alcohol last year. I owed him.

Daydreams of beaches and 80-degree temps entertained me until my left snowshoe jammed into a snow-covered log and sent me face first into a drift. Using my glove to wipe snow from my face only deposited more. My left ankle twinged.  I stood. It held my weight. Falling in snow is better than crashing into concrete.

Rock barked at a brush pile next to the log. He scrabbled in the snow, his behind high in the air.

“What have you found, Rock?”

Rock’s bark changed to a high-pitched tone. “Watch it, whatever’s in there might take a chunk out of your nose.”

He backed out. A multicolored mitten, pink and dark red dangled from his mouth. My radar went up. An odd place to find a mitten.

“Drop it, boy.”

It was a white mitten, blood-stained.

Adrenalin pumping, I grabbed my camera and parted the brush. A body, about five-six or seven, covered with several inches of snow lay in front of me. I gently blew the white powder away revealing a young woman’s frozen face. Dark curls tumbled around it. Long, black lashes rested against white skin. Snow White.

Her boots had tripped me, not a log. Dread seeped into my bones, colder than the sub-zero air. I’d witnessed death in urban back alleys and on a battlefield. A dead girl in the middle of the natural world surrounded by pristine whiteness and Christmas trees was an unexpected violation. The cinnamon roll started to come up. I swallowed, focused my camera and photographed her from every angle. Then I checked my cell phone for a signal.

Voice is Everything

Before writing this piece, I dug through my bookshelves and checked the Internet for definitions of voice in fiction writing. I discovered that most writers needed anywhere from a paragraph to an entire book to define that one simple word. They talked about voice as the author’s style, personality, character, attitude or even point of view.

You don’t say I like the voice, you say I like the book.

Defining voice is difficult because it’s an abstract term.  When I’m reading a novel, if it grabs my attention, I don’t stop to analyze how the writer is handling voice. I am instantly lost in the story. If the writer’s voice is stilted, boring or derivative, I close the book.

Learning about voice through my critique group

I belong to a mystery writers’ critique group that includes traditional, fantasy, romance, police procedural, noir, thriller, suspense and more.

Until I started working with my group I had never analyzed voice other than to read about it in books and articles and wonder if my writing had it. We read five pages of each other’s work in progress and get together to talk in detail about what we like, how we feel about the characters, sequence of events or direction and what stands out as a red flag, not believable or out of context within those five pages. We ask lots of questions.

It’s valuable feedback for us to receive multiple perspectives at once. And here’s the surprise: I don’t even have to know who the writer is because I recognize the voice.

What I’ve learned is that a writer’s voice shows itself in different ways. One of the writers in my group writes wry, humorous noir stories in a sly and mischievous voice. Another writes fantasy in such a matter of fact way, the reader instantly loses any skepticism about the subject matter because the voice is so true and believes itself.

One writer knows her setting so well the reader automatically accepts it as a story you can trust, and another’s voice is defined by her extensive poetry background.

Having said all that, it’s still easier to hear another writer’s voice than my own, but one thing I have learned is that voice is everything and if it is distinctive and true, you keep reading.

Anniversary

One year ago this month I stepped into a room to begin my first writing group experience. I’m taking a moment to reflect on some of the positive changes that have taken place in my writing and in my life since that first Friday evening.

More Confidence

As an introvert, my weekly Amherst Writers & Artists writing group has given me more confidence in my writing, and more confidence in speaking in front of a group. We read our work aloud and offer feedback and our group can be as small as six or twice that. Learning to be comfortable in a changing setting has been another benefit. Writers from other AWA groups frequently drop in and interested writers are encouraged to join.

More Curiosity

It renewed my interest in poetry, both reading and writing it and learning about new poets. My writing group has generated a willingness to experiment and put myself out there with new and different writing forms.

More Writing

I’d gotten into a rut with my writing after working solely on a mystery novel for an extended period of time. Now, my mind has opened to new writing experiences and my writing group work enhances all my efforts: short stories, mystery novel, postcard fiction, poetic fiction, flash fiction and this blog.

More Publishing

It’s opened my mind to submitting my short pieces even while working on a long project. I’d thought I needed to pay attention to one thing at a time until completion, when in fact, working on many projects has made me more prolific. I’ve recently submitted seven short pieces to an online fiction contest and received an honorable mention and one story was a finalist. I didn’t win but I felt like a winner every time I submitted.

More Giving

Best of all, through my writing group, I’ve been introduced to a wonderful group of writers who are giving back to the community in so many ways and that’s encouraged me to want to do the same. One example is 916 Ink. It helps Sacramento youth improve their literacy skills by providing free creative workshops that end in a beautiful publication. Check it out!

Even a small step like joining a group can feel like a big challenge to an introvert. I’m hoping my enthusiasm will encourage others, particularly introverts like me to take one small risk and find out how much more your life can hold.

Letting Your Story Go

I’m close to finishing the second draft of my mystery, Focused on Murder. I’ve rearranged chapters for maximum suspense, ramped up my subplot with new scenes and once I’ve reviewed and edited it, I’ll have carried out the most important step in K.M. Weiland’s “Wordplayer’s Manifesto” I posted a couple of weeks ago: Don’t just start stories, finish them.

Next on the Wordplayer’s list: Set your stories free. Send them into the world.

The time is getting close for me to let it go, but I’m torn between wanting to let it fly and continuing to tinker. Will it be as good as I can get it? Probably never. But where exactly is that place where you know it’s ready?

Paying attention to my inner voice

I used to paint large canvases and mixed media pieces and I recall standing at the same precipice. Is it ready to show? Will a few more brushstrokes enhance or ruin it? After not listening to my inner voice and adding one more touch and then another I ruined my share of paintings until I eventually learned to pay closer attention.

I know I’ve ruined a few short stories and one early attempt at a mystery as well by adding one touch too many. I don’t want that to happen this time.

In my blog from July 3, Inspiration Comes in Three’s, I quoted Kristine Kathryn Rusch: “The book will never be perfect. Take the advice that those of us who’ve worked in broadcasting learned long ago. I think it was best expressed by Tina Fey in Bossy Pants: The show doesn’t go on when it’s finished; it goes on because it’s 11:30. Exactly. At some point, you must simply let go of that book or story or play and move to the next.”

Reading Rusch’s piece again reminded me not to take myself so seriously. I’m writing a mystery that I hope will entertain, with characters who have enough emotional depth and honesty so readers will want to continue reading stories about them. I’d also like to leave readers with my take on turning a few stereotypes upside down.  

What do you do to trust your inner voice and not let the negative noise get in the way?

Writing Process Not Always Smooth Sailing

I’d thought when I sent my mystery off to be professionally critiqued that my next step was publication, with perhaps a few tweaks to get it just right. Let me first say that I’m grateful for the insightful commentary I received; however, the scope of some of the suggestions deflated me at first.

The editor’s comments were on target because they resonated with the warning bells in the back of my head that told me I’d gotten off course. I’d already sailed pretty far out  into the story, so I stayed the course, even with the warning bells and reached my destination—a  pretty good book, but not as good as it could be.

More work to be done

Now I have the correct coordinates—to keep with my nautical analogy—and know which way to go, but it’s going to take some work. I have to go against the current and start revising from where I first went astray, and keep correcting until I get to that amazing magnificent destination I hoped for all along: A well-done mystery, satisfying for readers and for me.

Today is the day I stop whining and hope the wind fills my sails with great ideas and good writing ahead.