Recently, I was one of four mystery authors on a panel at a local library. As a debut author, and an introvert with a past history of freezing when all eyes are on me, I was nervous. In fact, my stomach was upset the day before, and I hoped I had the flu so I could cancel.
I used to feel shame about this physical and psychological reaction, but having read Susan Cain’s New York Times bestseller, Quiet, about introverts, blogged about her TED talk (see my March 6, 2012 post) and listened to many others who’ve experienced similar fears, I’ve realized it’s a common occurrence. And I wanted to change.
I’d memorized a short intro about my mystery in case I panicked and forgot what the book I’d been working on for two years was about. The moderator asked me to speak first. Approximately thirty people turned expectant gazes on me.
I spoke through a dry mouth, rushed my intro, mentioned that I was an introvert hoping the audience wouldn’t judge me too harshly, and handed the mic to the moderator as if it were on fire. The group turned their faces to the next speaker.
After those first few moments, I relaxed and eagerly answered the moderator’s questions. After all, the subject of writing and publishing mysteries is what I live day in and day out. I’m passionate about it.
Then the moderator asked me to talk about my biggest challenge in writing and publishing my book—a great question and not so easy to answer because there were many, but the life-changing challenge for me was when I finally let go and published it. Because that meant I was committed to speaking on panels and at conferences, talking to book clubs and saying yes to social events. I didn’t want to be limited anymore because of an old fear of being in the spotlight.
When we were finished, the audience asked lots of questions and stayed to buy our books and chat. I met interesting and engaging people, who were also passionate about books. It was a library after all. The highlight was when one gentleman came up to me and said, “You’re no introvert.”