Facing the Dragon

Last year my writing group produced an e-zine. I wrote about it in this blog because it was a big leap for me to submit a piece and read it aloud to an audience of approximately 50 people.

I’m writing about this again because even after a year of writing with and learning from some of the amazing writers in this group, I still froze when asked to submit to the e-zine. I’d produced a large body of work during the year, but none of my drafts seemed remotely ready to be shown to anyone else. For an entire week I read through the pieces and eventually chose two and polished them. For another week I fussed over how unworthy they were and debated not sending. But then something happened and I submitted my prose poems, warts and all.

Ray Wylie Hubbard

I recently saw Ray Wylie Hubbard perform at the Palms in Winters, California. Early in his career, other artists made his mix of country, folk and blues songs famous. He said that at 42, out of fear he’d never performed alone until he read something that changed his life. A friend gave him a book of Rilke poems and this sentence turned his life around:

Our fears are like dragons guarding our most precious treasures. Rainer Maria Rilke (1875 – 1926) 

A scruffy old unshaven mop-haired overweight country singer from Texas spouting Rilke might just have changed my life too. It doesn’t matter whether my work is as good as anyone else’s. What matters is that I faced the dragon.

What precious treasures are your dragons guarding?

 

Anniversary

One year ago this month I stepped into a room to begin my first writing group experience. I’m taking a moment to reflect on some of the positive changes that have taken place in my writing and in my life since that first Friday evening.

More Confidence

As an introvert, my weekly Amherst Writers & Artists writing group has given me more confidence in my writing, and more confidence in speaking in front of a group. We read our work aloud and offer feedback and our group can be as small as six or twice that. Learning to be comfortable in a changing setting has been another benefit. Writers from other AWA groups frequently drop in and interested writers are encouraged to join.

More Curiosity

It renewed my interest in poetry, both reading and writing it and learning about new poets. My writing group has generated a willingness to experiment and put myself out there with new and different writing forms.

More Writing

I’d gotten into a rut with my writing after working solely on a mystery novel for an extended period of time. Now, my mind has opened to new writing experiences and my writing group work enhances all my efforts: short stories, mystery novel, postcard fiction, poetic fiction, flash fiction and this blog.

More Publishing

It’s opened my mind to submitting my short pieces even while working on a long project. I’d thought I needed to pay attention to one thing at a time until completion, when in fact, working on many projects has made me more prolific. I’ve recently submitted seven short pieces to an online fiction contest and received an honorable mention and one story was a finalist. I didn’t win but I felt like a winner every time I submitted.

More Giving

Best of all, through my writing group, I’ve been introduced to a wonderful group of writers who are giving back to the community in so many ways and that’s encouraged me to want to do the same. One example is 916 Ink. It helps Sacramento youth improve their literacy skills by providing free creative workshops that end in a beautiful publication. Check it out!

Even a small step like joining a group can feel like a big challenge to an introvert. I’m hoping my enthusiasm will encourage others, particularly introverts like me to take one small risk and find out how much more your life can hold.

sometimes you just need to fill the well

Pescadero State Beach, CA

Letting Your Story Go

I’m close to finishing the second draft of my mystery, Focused on Murder. I’ve rearranged chapters for maximum suspense, ramped up my subplot with new scenes and once I’ve reviewed and edited it, I’ll have carried out the most important step in K.M. Weiland’s “Wordplayer’s Manifesto” I posted a couple of weeks ago: Don’t just start stories, finish them.

Next on the Wordplayer’s list: Set your stories free. Send them into the world.

The time is getting close for me to let it go, but I’m torn between wanting to let it fly and continuing to tinker. Will it be as good as I can get it? Probably never. But where exactly is that place where you know it’s ready?

Paying attention to my inner voice

I used to paint large canvases and mixed media pieces and I recall standing at the same precipice. Is it ready to show? Will a few more brushstrokes enhance or ruin it? After not listening to my inner voice and adding one more touch and then another I ruined my share of paintings until I eventually learned to pay closer attention.

I know I’ve ruined a few short stories and one early attempt at a mystery as well by adding one touch too many. I don’t want that to happen this time.

In my blog from July 3, Inspiration Comes in Three’s, I quoted Kristine Kathryn Rusch: “The book will never be perfect. Take the advice that those of us who’ve worked in broadcasting learned long ago. I think it was best expressed by Tina Fey in Bossy Pants: The show doesn’t go on when it’s finished; it goes on because it’s 11:30. Exactly. At some point, you must simply let go of that book or story or play and move to the next.”

Reading Rusch’s piece again reminded me not to take myself so seriously. I’m writing a mystery that I hope will entertain, with characters who have enough emotional depth and honesty so readers will want to continue reading stories about them. I’d also like to leave readers with my take on turning a few stereotypes upside down.  

What do you do to trust your inner voice and not let the negative noise get in the way?

Rescued by Pen and Paper

Welter. A confused mass; a jumble; a state of turmoil, confusion, or a disorderly or chaotic situation.

Last week my writing life went awry. A short vacation, out of town guests, and other interruptions had kept me from working on my mystery novel revision, and I was worried that if I left it too long I’d be lost and have to start at the beginning again. Several other writing and editing projects were pending as well.

I opened my laptop. But my laptop did the unthinkable. It dumped data, blue-screened and made scary demands. I did everything it commanded but that wasn’t enough. I hit Safe Mode but I was too late. My laptop froze.

I bundled it up and raced to have it repaired. The kindly technician reassured me he would run diagnostics and call me as soon as he found out anything. I reluctantly left it behind feeling unbalanced and confused, all jumbled up.

Goldilocks and the three computers

Back home, I pulled out my old Dell laptop and booted it up, but it was slow and much too small for me.

I sat at my husband’s 22-inch giant screen computer and attempted to work on my projects but it was too big and cumbersome.

Only my laptop was just right. And it was not there.

Enantiodromia. The changing of something into its opposite. A principle introduced by Carl Jung that the superabundance of any force inevitably produces its opposite. It is equivalent to the principle of equilibrium in the natural world, in that any extreme is opposed by the system in order to restore balance.

Could this be an opportunity for me to do a diagnostic on myself? I’d set up goals and deadlines to finish my book but wasn’t making as much progress as I projected. My inner landscape was a welter of imagined obstacles.  I was forcing what couldn’t be forced. I’d put too much importance on the result and forgot to enjoy the process. I even forgot I could pick up a pen and paper, which is exactly what I did. And happily wrote for four solid hours.

Many thanks to Laura Martin and Jan Haag in my writing group for a couple of writing prompts that jump-started today’s blog for me. My laptop is healthy again. Dirt in the fan caused overheating and a few corrupted files were fixed. It wasn’t the huge catastrophe I imagined after all. All is well. Balance restored.